I welcomed you back into my life, to what degree and what aspect, I have no idea, all I know is that I want to be there for you, and there with you. Our time is limited and unfortunately infrequent, however, our love is ever long and lasting. Reading your response to my email inquiry led me to believe two things, that the love still remains between us, that connection that is undeniable and so strong remains. Secondly, where do we go from here? Does acknowledging our feelings and emotions and verifying this connecting bond mean anything in regards to continuing on and pursuing further?

This week has been a feelings and emotionally challenged and based week. I have come to terms with being a sensual and sexual women past and present, however, I am shaping my future. No longer seeking pleasurable moments in short lived relationships, no longer holding my heart, my love and myself hostage. I am answering each beckoned call, and declining uninteresting partners. I have grown up to respect the quality of love making and my partner, rather than the quantity of several partners, and mixing and matching and comparing love making sessions.

So I am starting to refocus and revisit the idea of meaningful relationships, monogamy at a whole, celibacy and sexual isolation, individual pleasure and self pleasurable and pleasing experiences. I am developing and learning the language and lingo of my world and life, but bringing maturity and experience, valued lessons and learned experiences into increased knowledge and awareness and a better handle on my suggested relationship and love out look.

I let go the dead end people and relationships that were going no where. My guilt in staying confined and one with my demise no longer suits me. I am ok with loving more than one person, I am ok with truly exploring my boundaries and opening up my love life and world to a willing and cherishing partner. I have settled for less too many times, and end up the outsider looking in. So I choose to select my experiences. I choose to share my mind, body and soul with a lucky partner, not just a temporary respite for the night. Longevity......

When does one stop holding back? I am letting go. I am giving myself a chance. I am not denying myself no longer, and whereever this connection between me and you go and furthers I will take it there. I welcome it and you. I truly loved you all my life. I loved you enough to let you go, and allow different love and relationships to enter my life, but I never stopped loving you. Although I couldn't help but separate you from my world, I didn't entirely give in or give up. I faltered, but I came right back to circle and where I belong, and that's with you.

So this may work out, this may fail. The distance may get us, but one thing I know is I am not letting go. I am going to make my most and best attempts and love like I always loved. With you and for you.

Lesson Eight Five: Love on Top.....
It returns back to you as never before. Once you experienced it and are given a second opportunity to pursue it, I say take it. I say enjoy your life and make those mistakes, and rekindle those lost issues and incidents for the appropriate closure needed. This moment in my life I am allowing myself to be. I am allowing myself to go full circle, explore and experience and love!


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