Pep TALK....Rally behind yourself.....

What is my mission?

I aim to please and please to aim? I value and desire this statement simply and truly! So I ask myself this question….what’s my goal and plan(s) from here? Where do I see myself going from here? I am blinded by no sense or source of direction. I am challenged by the fact that my feelings of displacement are ranging from low to high on a minute by minute basis. What am I moving on from? ….. Seems as if there will be a lot of resolving going on for me! So the mission that is presenting me from all sides with many endings and beginnings and middle parts is my possible closure or continuance with you. Although I am not afraid to face the fears and the unfolding events that will come from this and many other experiences…..I just know that it’s always a sense and a feeling one can never become too complacent with.

So where do I choose to walk today and further on in my life. Why do I feel like I need to apologize for my closure and disregard for you and the “relationship” anymore. Why do I feel as if I am back stepping? Shouldn’t I easily let you and this experience go? Shouldn’t I feel compelled to flounce on and forward to a more positive outcome and experience? There are so many reasons for the why’s and the why not’s, however, I am not going to answer or attempt to resolve them all in one setting. All I know is that I truly like you…I ask myself why do I like you? I simply answer because I just do. I feel as if you have no idea what you will be missing out on (the relationship experience) should I truly walk away from your life. I feel as if I can save and help you, but then reality and recent experiences all hit me with “Girl don’t be crazy, you are no one’s teacher or savior”. I can’t lead you to water or make you drink from me. At times when I am feeling true and true weak and blue I must gather my strength and embrace myself. I must recall how many times I expressed and put myself out there for you to gather me up. How many times I attempted to eve save you from yourself, provided you with tidbits and snippets into my life, opening myself up for appraisal and acceptance from you. Continually you shut me out and down. My feelings were not spared. Your non caring ways and feelings towards me made and make it evidently clear that I am doing the right thing. I may feel hurt and upset now, but later I will be doing well.

Lesson Eighteen: PEP TALK
Self talks are the best talks. Sometimes we talk our way into stuff we have no business getting into. This time I choose to talk myself into my life reflective statements of upward mobility, and the ability to listen to reason and pull forward. For each falter my step improves.


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