It's A Start

It’s a start…….

When reality settles in on you, there just isn’t no right or wrong way to accept the transition, or for that matter the return to normalcy. There is nothing or no one that will make this life transition go away. Not even if you came back into my life, and amended all the hurt, indecision and plan old confusing moments. I think our time together truly expired! So as with the modern day lyrics, and musical genre’s take on life and love within your life “On To The Next One”……am I ready for the next, the after and anything resembling the before? So I hold my head up and embrace the hurt, the fleeting moments of good times, and the continued build up and reminders of the not so good times. I will never say in any case that I didn’t truly enjoy my experiences with you, but experiences all alone are not entirely the glue that will bind and mend an already off kilter attempt at a relationship. Yes I admittedly stated that I was looking for something more than a good romp in my room. I was looking for more than periodic dinners or the occasional call and check in. I wanted more then after midnight rendezvous. I wanted all of you. If by chance having some of you didn’t digest well with me, then you must see why I wanted and needed all of you. So as I right the wronged that became of us, I also visualize my needs and wants that will truly suit and devour me…mind….body….and soul.

Searching starts within me…….

“Hello love, I see you arrived back with another dent to the heart and another tale to state” “Yes, I have endured another battle with the mind and heart. Although the dent is an obvious reminder, my statement shall soon follow, but it’s not an embittered me. I actually feel as if I have transitioned from this experience.” “You will always learn from each moment and experience you encourage and encounter. For each failure you have achieved knowledge. You have grown true from each experience, and you also have obviously taken what you needed from that life lesson.” “I never really looked at my experiences as life lessons; I only viewed them as markers for continued failing moments in my dating and relating life. I am so fortunate to see clearly the changes and transitions.” As I closely looked at myself in the mirror, this conversation began with me without command or control. I finally was able to see the woman I am becoming. To see past the hurt, the disgust with the dating and relating experiences. To embrace my tears and dented heart, to never been truly discouraged or pulled away, because of fear of the unknown. I saw a reflection of an assured, confidant woman. A woman whom I claimed today.

Life Lesson Nineteen: Self talk…..

Never pass up the opportunity to counsel and guide yourself through a situation. Its great to have outsiders and friends talk, and listen to you, but sometimes the only person who will truly understand what’s going on is the person staring right back you in the mirror.


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