Perhaps it's my rain stained window pane, or the cold air that brushes my hair past my eyes or the deep and calming breaths I must take in order to relax and not think about the worst of the thoughts that have crossed my mind.
Within a day there is so much contact and interaction taking place that even the smallest upset and discomfort can cause a shit storm or emotions and we all know that sitting in on those feelings and not facing them are the safest and best bet as we know it, but then again within each moment of emotional upset experienced there is always a lesson to be learned.
Proving yourself to the one you like can take a nose dive instantly when you aren't exactly sure as to why you are in need for anyone else's approval beyond your very own? Everything you gather and build upon in life should not be stamped out simply because a little emotional love loss is holding you heart in whim.
I think back to the times when control was a wonderful thing to have and a sense of balance and sustainability was all a woman ever needed, but then came someone who captured my mind, but impaled my heart having me literally spin on the hearts axis in such a way that I haven't even secured my emotional balance just yet and I actually wonder when will I ever regain control again?
This is a first time in a long time that I have felt the down side of love. The feelings of wondering if you meet your makers eyes, and if each text message, exchanged phone contact or slippage of the heart is enough to keep them wanting more. When your self doubt turns into worry and wonderment and when the need to prove your utter heroic feats beyond the normal claims of life simply overwhelms it all.
Logic was never a best friend, but a wonderful associate to be disguised in the echoes of an arrhythmic heart...
So I am counting my love pangs and wanting to slow the beats down to a wondrous drum that flows with the naturalness of love, life and my own personal pursuit of happiness. I am me because I have grown into this woman whose personal life stance is one to reckon with and determination and ability to live out my best life yet never deterred me from anything and anyone. It is just when you meet and equal match that you begin to question everything about your life and choices in life that could have mattered the most to you or perhaps changed you for the best, but then I realize that each struggle I underwent and each moment that was upsetting in my eyes was nourishing in my mind and blazed a life lesson upon my heart.
I neither fear or excuse myself from the inner comfort of being unapologetically me...as a friend, a daughter, a sister, a cousin, a future mother, a wife and lover. Within doubt lays reason to disguise and there is no mask fitting enough then your very own reflection and image that stares and stands before you.
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