Just a little Crush!

The excitement of a mutual interest has taken my utter attention and breath at this very moment. Typing with a new found sense of interest and excitement beyond the melancholic lessons learned, which recently has been dually noted, but what I simply just stated to myself is…..CAN MY HEART LIVE!!!


What makes up the laws of attraction? How are we to respond to someone who easily gathers our interest and piques the very things that move and stir’s us? To simply answer this question I would start with the stir of genuine and mutual interest. At times I have become accustomed to the clumsy half starts and complete stops of wanting to figure each other out intensely and get to know one another. What has become a common factor and finding in my most recent and previous romantic relationships, I have found that this bumpy ride never really suited me. I live and breathed continuous flow. Like a faucet being turned on for the first time and wetting the pipes it flowed through. The thirst for a connection has suited me almost to the point of obsession, which in its own right when cast in large amounts of brain space can leave you spiraling to find sanity and normalcy once again.

So what has lifted me so? The freeing of a former on and off relationship that had pretty much held me self-captured and captivated, being the only one drawing true life and blood into the relationship. Realizing this fact almost took the breath away from my lungs. Having to slide down my bedroom wall and not scream out loud or burst into continuous tears of being at the very place I vowed not to re-visit, but I was there and this time being felt and experienced was nothing like the last times.

When your mind and heart are in agreement and your body and spirit no longer bears witness to the pain you have that moment in time when you are entirely free. A settled state overcomes you and the reality of which you have ventured into, lived through and experienced no longer is relevant.

So breathing and daring to love and be romanticized and taken utterly serious has become my mission. The journal entries of before and within the past two and a half years of blogging have proven my battles with love and learning to love and be in love. The journey and self-discovery of personal needs and wants and hearts desires were no longer out of reach.

So it starts with a crush. I haven’t felt this buzz and this relaxing state in such a long time. I am actively entertaining dates with not the idea of securing a partner for the night or long term lasting relationship. I am seeking companionship and comfort. I am learning how to date and learning how to enjoy one’s company and start from the very start to the last ending. It’s like starting from the barest bottom and rising to the top. I’m ready!


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