Thoughts are to be expressed and carried out. Picture your thoughts as a dream catcher of sorts. Writing out what I think and am feeling at the time assists me with resolving an issue, or enabling myself to experience and express my thoughts in relation to what is going on in my life.
The "It" Factor
Normally when I am experiencing tumultuous emotions based
from multiple life happenings, I would generally throw my hands in the air and
belt out “The world is coming to an end and I am over it all.”! However, taking
a step to reflectively look at each moment I can see the connective cord that
kept me hanging on just a little longer.
Kissmet forgotten: Past/Present
My sleeping pattern has started to gather full steam. My
constant checking of text messages or calls from you has just about stopped. I
am able to tone you out. My day doesn’t start with wonderment of how you are
doing, where you are at for the day or your plans and if I am included in them.
My sheets no longer hold your distinct cologne scent, nor do my pillows remind
me of your missing presence from me. My daydreams and night fantasies no longer
star you, at the moment you are guest appearing in my mind and randomly so… I
have finally acknowledged that my need for you no longer holds me. I recall a
time when sleeping without you bought about endless nights of tossing and
turning, my overactive imagination no longer compels me to reach out to you by
any means necessary.
My fantasies no longer involve visions of me and you on a
remote tropical island discussing our future and planning for our family and
life to look forward to. At one time you meant everything to me, but at this
moment in time your existence within my world has no value for me, and so I am
allowing your image within my mind’s eye and heart to fade away. Who would have
thought that from a whispered word of love within my right ear that everything
we attempted to create together would no longer matter…The beauty of life and
it’s ever changing happenings.
I don’t regret this relationship and its growth
into existence; in fact it helped me sort out my feelings in regards to wanting
to maintain a surface relationship or dig deep within a relationship and with
my potential partner, and so I thank you for your smile, your undeniable
addictive scent that has bought a smile to my face and tears to my eyes. It’s
within your absence that I no longer miss you.
I have once again thrown myself into my own enclosed life
happenings which have all evolved around semi planning, constant daydreaming
and channeling my inner golden tube of creativity and self awareness of exactly
who I am, and whom I’m becoming. I am in awe and adoration of HER “Me”, and so
I started the year loosely cutting the ties of experiences that haven’t kept my
interest, but contented me enough to wet my appetite for rekindled romances
that are forever stunted in their start to finish, and as each bond was severed
I started to remember why the bonds had been broken and why it has become
convenient to rekindled such fallen attempts at love, because disappointment is
best served chilled, and apparently I was already one cup in!
He was someone I could see the present and future with. He
was someone that I spent numerous travel hours with. To and from our homes
cities to our planned getaways, it was like nothing else mattered, but our
inability to compromise on balancing our re…
I clasped the phone a little tighter. I allowed the
conversation to linger just a little longer. I was seething with a rhythmic
passion, as I imagined you beside me as you dipped your head a little closer. I
closed my eyes and leaned into you a little more wanting your lip moisture more
than ever, as the conversation continued my face began to become flush, my
breathing was sensually labored and my legs began to outstretch and beg to be
touched, centered and spread widely apart. I was aching for your touch as I
cradled the phone to my ear a little tighter my fantasy was beginning to take
flight until his tone stunted my world.
The more he spoke directly into the phone the more my
passion bubble popped. I started seeing him in another light, and well understanding
and adhering to an individuals daily planning can tame heightened passions just
so far, and well my passion meter was writhing with doubt and defeat.
It was like cold water showered evenly on my head. I wasn’t
I welcome his loving embrace. I welcome his unconditioned love. I dare give my day and nights to him. The love created liberated me. The love resolved within my heart has settled deeply into my soul, affording me comfort in my new role within our lives. I have adjusted to the sways of a best friend, a lover, a caretaker and home maker in preparation of furtherance of us. I delved into the recess of my heart and invoked forgiven passion befallen on me. I no longer looked at my past as betrayal ridden and stolen moments of misrepresented passion.
There was always hope. My now was never a figment of my imagination. I have triumphed over dreams that made no sense to me until now. I am stepping forward and daring to dream. I believe that our connection and roles in one another lives was meant to be, and so I am being. I am existing. We are living and cultivating our distinct lives in unison. We no longer fear or doubt others, we embrace our roles and willingly walk towards our destination…