Thoughts are to be expressed and carried out. Picture your thoughts as a dream catcher of sorts. Writing out what I think and am feeling at the time assists me with resolving an issue, or enabling myself to experience and express my thoughts in relation to what is going on in my life.
The "It" Factor
Normally when I am experiencing tumultuous emotions based
from multiple life happenings, I would generally throw my hands in the air and
belt out “The world is coming to an end and I am over it all.”! However, taking
a step to reflectively look at each moment I can see the connective cord that
kept me hanging on just a little longer.
Kissmet forgotten: Past/Present
My sleeping pattern has started to gather full steam. My
constant checking of text messages or calls from you has just about stopped. I
am able to tone you out. My day doesn’t start with wonderment of how you are
doing, where you are at for the day or your plans and if I am included in them.
My sheets no longer hold your distinct cologne scent, nor do my pillows remind
me of your missing presence from me. My daydreams and night fantasies no longer
star you, at the moment you are guest appearing in my mind and randomly so… I
have finally acknowledged that my need for you no longer holds me. I recall a
time when sleeping without you bought about endless nights of tossing and
turning, my overactive imagination no longer compels me to reach out to you by
any means necessary.
My fantasies no longer involve visions of me and you on a
remote tropical island discussing our future and planning for our family and
life to look forward to. At one time you meant everything to me, but at this
moment in time your existence within my world has no value for me, and so I am
allowing your image within my mind’s eye and heart to fade away. Who would have
thought that from a whispered word of love within my right ear that everything
we attempted to create together would no longer matter…The beauty of life and
it’s ever changing happenings.
I don’t regret this relationship and its growth
into existence; in fact it helped me sort out my feelings in regards to wanting
to maintain a surface relationship or dig deep within a relationship and with
my potential partner, and so I thank you for your smile, your undeniable
addictive scent that has bought a smile to my face and tears to my eyes. It’s
within your absence that I no longer miss you.
There are some who will fiend interest or perhaps display
genuine interest towards me in their most altruistic displays of wanting to
know me further, but yet physically they don’t appeal to me, mentally they
can’t even challenge me or give me the satisfaction of well prepared conversation.
Spiritually I am at lost, for my soul doesn’t connect to them at all, but with
you…I am settled and feel centered enough to find comfort in knowing this because
I fancy a new interest, extend myself emotionally in hopes
that physically and spiritually there will be a connection, but yet nothing
lasts longer then two weeks of intense conversation, but then like everything
else my carnal constant craving finds it way back to you. There is nothing that
doesn’t center without any given reason and thought around you.
I ask myself…in love there is doubt and grounds for mistake?
Why am I graced again with the burden of a troubled heart, indeed I love the
build up and the sweet moments in betwee…
Love has never given up entirely on me! I say that with
pride and with amazing hope in the face of my experiences past, present and the
unpredictable future. I have never felt so emotionally raw and interrupted as
never before, and oddly it’s the most freeing feeling experienced.
I am aware of my main involvement in regards to love within
my world, and absolutely becoming saturated in the mask of emotions that wax
and wane like the moon! However, knowing what the saturation level of love was
clocked at, I decided to take a step back and a stance when attracting newly
beckoned romance, or finishing out a sizzling love loss.
I can’t contend with the fact that sometimes love is not
concerned with the diminished relationship that was with my former significant
other. Love pretty much had left me with no notice and no expected return date.
I literally had to learn that closure is a blessing when allowed and received,
and it’s not necessarily determined during the initial separation…someti…
Timing is everything and this time I believe me and the universe is on schedule for a serious date with destiny!
A new year has rolled in and with a humbled and forgiving heart, I decided to simply let all those who don't belong in my life to simply exit with no explanation on their behalf or mine. I realized that I needed to cut the emotional attachment to my past love, and let go the blinding love I thought I was experiencing from a fleeting flame. My life could have been topsy turvy if I had chose to continue to hold out hope for my former love, or to erase out his memory with a uncharted relationship with someone from my past who instantly became a filler for the moment and the limited time our relationship lasted. It was as if I went from one wrecking pile into another, and the cycle of emotional torment and pain really needed to be silenced completely within myself. So I left it all and ended up putting my new year intentions into the universal pull of life and the existen…