Thoughts are to be expressed and carried out. Picture your thoughts as a dream catcher of sorts. Writing out what I think and am feeling at the time assists me with resolving an issue, or enabling myself to experience and express my thoughts in relation to what is going on in my life.
The "It" Factor
Normally when I am experiencing tumultuous emotions based
from multiple life happenings, I would generally throw my hands in the air and
belt out “The world is coming to an end and I am over it all.”! However, taking
a step to reflectively look at each moment I can see the connective cord that
kept me hanging on just a little longer.
Kissmet forgotten: Past/Present
My sleeping pattern has started to gather full steam. My
constant checking of text messages or calls from you has just about stopped. I
am able to tone you out. My day doesn’t start with wonderment of how you are
doing, where you are at for the day or your plans and if I am included in them.
My sheets no longer hold your distinct cologne scent, nor do my pillows remind
me of your missing presence from me. My daydreams and night fantasies no longer
star you, at the moment you are guest appearing in my mind and randomly so… I
have finally acknowledged that my need for you no longer holds me. I recall a
time when sleeping without you bought about endless nights of tossing and
turning, my overactive imagination no longer compels me to reach out to you by
any means necessary.
My fantasies no longer involve visions of me and you on a
remote tropical island discussing our future and planning for our family and
life to look forward to. At one time you meant everything to me, but at this
moment in time your existence within my world has no value for me, and so I am
allowing your image within my mind’s eye and heart to fade away. Who would have
thought that from a whispered word of love within my right ear that everything
we attempted to create together would no longer matter…The beauty of life and
it’s ever changing happenings.
I don’t regret this relationship and its growth
into existence; in fact it helped me sort out my feelings in regards to wanting
to maintain a surface relationship or dig deep within a relationship and with
my potential partner, and so I thank you for your smile, your undeniable
addictive scent that has bought a smile to my face and tears to my eyes. It’s
within your absence that I no longer miss you.
The bravery in love comes from it's deepest and darkened corner of life. What I am seeing within myself is a love that has no bounds, a love that is desired for and sought after it's most weakened state. The mind is in a state of suspended love when it's conflicted, and within it's animation its absolute resolve permeates in my soul.
Past patterns of dealing with discomfort within love was a simple testament as to how to go about the newly formed pang of the heart. However, my former lessons to heal didn't necessarily work for me. I was neither eager to seek the affection and attention of another lusting soul, nor was I entirely enticed to throw myself entirely into the game of love!
My healing came from expanding my mind and restoring my balance in a meditative state and through the movement and motion of yoga poses. Within my deepest stretch I realized my love was like no other for him. My love was simply in a bind that needed to unravel naturally, and with each…
I still haven't given up on dating and relating and ideally finding the life match for me. I have come across a few that have left impressions on my heart to having someone who dipped briefly into my heart, but yet he was too shallow and weak for my love. It has literally become it's not me it's a you type situation, and oddly the annoyance bells aren't ringing in my ears just yet. I had my misty eyed moment, a big glass of merlot and a music rotation that will master all emotions that are in question...and I have come out OK and stronger than before and realizing that I am everything that I would want and need and that I am enough and in no need for anyones addition into my life if they are coming with dead weight and toxicity.
We are not alive to be annoyed, bickering or belittling one another because we are inept and inebriated at the moment. The reality of this situation is when you trust your emotional curves, and you allow all logic to hit the road and your feet…
I welcome his loving embrace. I welcome his unconditioned love. I dare give my day and nights to him. The love created liberated me. The love resolved within my heart has settled deeply into my soul, affording me comfort in my new role within our lives. I have adjusted to the sways of a best friend, a lover, a caretaker and home maker in preparation of furtherance of us. I delved into the recess of my heart and invoked forgiven passion befallen on me. I no longer looked at my past as betrayal ridden and stolen moments of misrepresented passion.
There was always hope. My now was never a figment of my imagination. I have triumphed over dreams that made no sense to me until now. I am stepping forward and daring to dream. I believe that our connection and roles in one another lives was meant to be, and so I am being. I am existing. We are living and cultivating our distinct lives in unison. We no longer fear or doubt others, we embrace our roles and willingly walk towards our destination…