The codes for love and when being in love are undeniable. It's as if all these years I have been flying on auto pilot when I love, how I love and with whom I loved. I never truly allowed the depth and intensity of love to entirely seep into my soul. I loved to languish at just the right point of suffocation, when my breathing became labored; my pulse continued to rise and the logical part of my mind was temporarily disabled, until I began to understand the value of a universal love.
Love Level 1 My family at times could be the center of my frustrations and pains. I could recollect a memory that literally had me laughing uncontrollably, yelling loudly or have my eyes brimming with tears. There is an infinite happiness and sadness with family. You will have upsets and disappointments, moments of complete isolation from one another or banding together throughout the toughest times. However, throughout it all we remain bonded from childbirth to adulthood. It’s within this unconditional love, that one would understand the personalities and differences amongst each other, but yet are able to retain the relationship, choose to deepen or develop it further or work to resolve misunderstandings from life pangs. Yet again I must ask how is it that we flow so easily in this aspect of a relationship, but yet we are left lost at sea in other relationships.
Love Level 2 The love we have for our friends is uncontested and never questioned. We flow easily into our roles amongst each other. The loyalty, mutual respect and obvious display of affectionate ease and best intentions continue to increase throughout the duration of the days that transition into months to years. The level of individualism and shared life experiences continues to grow, creating a free flowing relationship that is neither competitive nor indifferent towards one another’s growth level. There is no jealousy or behavior that would place your friendship in question. It's like magnets connecting for the first time. How can we retain this natural state in one aspect of our relationships, but yet when placed in another level of love our minds draw up a blank? How could this be so...
Love Level 3 A respect level that is supposed to be mutual, an understanding level that is to be guaranteed and a willingness to actively listen, explore and deepen all levels of communication in a romantic relationship is to be desired for. So with all my levels of love and the different types of relationship in’s and out’s there is nothing left to question. All roles are played well with no tutorials. So yet again, I present the question to myself…If I can flow so smoothly and without too much of a life bump within my familial relationships and friendships then why am I having such a hardship when faced with developing a relationship that mirrors my standards, life lessons experienced within the realms of friendship and family life?
My acceptance of myself should always mirror my willingness to develop a deeper relationship with my potential life partner. I have allowed shallowness, inability to develop a uniformed communication system effective for our own individual development and relationship building to form. My initial instincts of weighing potential partnerships, evaluating the friendship and intimacy levels are jaded. I can label it as emotional indifference, anti-conforming relationship behaviors, stubbornness or a variation of several things, but yet nothing stands outright to me. Am I clouding my decisions and choices, by selecting the ones who value nothing more from me then what I eagerly give? I guess finding myself at the starting line isn’t pretty inviting, but then again a job, a story and life is never done. It’s revolving and something I continue to learn about and discover. On this journey I challenge myself to dig deeper, go a lot further, understand my mate and not just for the physical attributes, the intimate and passionate connections only, but the ties that will bind a formerly overcast present.
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