Serendipity or Serenity?
Can I sustain myself in a monogamous state? A realistic question that has nearly stilled me to dig deeper and find an answer to my ever present problem of maintaining an emotional balance and connection with a lover. I can say that my interests dim within the many challenges and changes in a relationship, but to entirely turn the switch off as if nothing ever occurred between me and my lover, is something I am seriously taking a seat to scope out even more.
As I sat down and ingested each and every feeling with my logical and sound mind, I could only think about a rekindled love. A love that was so deep within my soul it had melted my heart and soul into a muddled mess. A love that I would never speak into fruition, because I was afraid of it's existence, but yet it remained and continued to grow.
Days turned into nights and nights bloomed into endless weeks, and yet I remained fixated on you. If I could have that moment back, the one where we looked another in the eye and you spoke your absolute sound truth. Your birthday and your experience within aging and maturing more into an adulthood had you wanting to try with me. I was too caught into the tangle of the words to readily address the powerfulness of your plea, but I pardoned you with the erotic teachings of a uniformed soul, collecting it's lost lover and bringing them passionately back towards sanity and the reality of what they were and was becoming.
So as I introduced myself to the lessons life would put before me, the lessons of others love, and what exactly their love and the overall experience would hold for me, but in hindsight our love hindered me. I was never to be the same, because I would always expect the same. I lean into you as if I am once again connecting myself to a source of unlimited potential and power. I trust in you because you are what I believe to be true, and within my truth I have come to value you.
If what the text books quote as a love once lost, but yet returned back again would mean anything to me at this moment, I would surely grant it with acceptance.