So where do I go from here?
Perhaps I have never stopped going forward. Just maybe I took the time to realize my life's plight and mission? Hmm....as I wonder aloud to myself! So initially I began discussing my up's and down's with life and the relationships I have experienced within my life. I felt like I was making waves and getting to reslovable points, but then another idea came over me. I decided that relationships and relationship woes is just a part of the pie and long term life plan. There is more to my life then searching for and seeking and securing a partnership with someone. There is more....the amazement and simplicity in just those three words. Interesting!
So my weekday started off in another state, weighing the pro's and con's of returning back home. I started to think of all the possibilities and reasons as to why I should reside in New Orleans long term, but then my reality came creeping back towards me and I felt the need to answer and respond to all I was experiencing and feeling yet again. My life continues to transition and change, and mold and shape to each new experience. I am like liquid cement, not yet in a solid state, but willing to be molded and guide to that structured fitting, but at this very moment I know I am not ready to be sized up just yet. So I learned the art of being appreciative of the fact that I was outside of my home, 900 miles away, I didn't see any reference to my present existence and life. I just was. Having the ability to just be continues to fascinate me, and also, encourage and inspire me to continue on as I seek fit and so. So in my time away I was able to appreciate my life, and just how I was living and experiencing my life. I continue to go back to how single life is sucky, and annoying and has it's moments, but as trying as these feelings and experiences may be, I still enjoy and enjoyed yesterday opening my apartment door to my apartment just how I left it. Laying in my bed and on my couch, lavishing in the minor to major details of just being me. That was romantic and intoxicating to an extent, but not enough.
Enters the work experience.....
At work doing what I do best, thinking outside of the box and making the most attempts to create my own boxes from nothing. I decided to start thinking about my professional writing journey, and also, event planning ideas. I meet and greet my clients, and chat with my co workers, but I remain distracted and taken away from my now. How and where do I begin this journey and living my dreams? What needs to occur and be put in place? Is it too late? Finding forever or finding right now? A lot of questions to answer and ponder all at once, however, I am looking forward to this new experiences that are to be place before me. I am seeking that sensation of being able to accomplish a tasked dreamed of and at times long forgotten. Blessed with the ability to blirt my mind bubbles. One by one popping! So perhaps writing, and recalling my feelings and bringing to light a reslove of sorts, and bringing to fruition my dreams and realities, I will then see clearly what my life has brought to me thus far, and continues to bring me. As always I am thankful and fortunate for my creative abilities. My writing is the cooling system to a long summers hot sun.
Can't be creative without a little or a lot of passion! So I am planning my next trip upcoming within the next 54 days. I want to utilize all of my senses this year, and especially during my favorite season, YES THE SUMMER. My mind, eyes, and heart and soul will be working over time and in unison. For those attempts I was too shy to make and experience, I will not pass on or up. For the people who can't hold my interest or emotional interest, I definitely wont entertain. I will soak up the summers seductive passions and hit as never before. Perhaps turning 3o has opened my mind up to regions never touched on before, however, passion continues to remain the major subject of interest, and I am an avid student willing and eager to learn.
A passionate exchange is what beckons me. From a long days of work, I call on this experience. I miss the moments and times of genuine and sincere affection. The moment when your bag touches the sofa, or when your partner hears you enter the room. To be enclosed in that space is like going straight to heaven. Kisses are warm and welcoming, and touches are to be desired and craved for. Emotional intimacy is just as welcoming and wanted as well. A good stimulating conversation that appeals to me on every level and kisses all senses. I miss the masculine scent of a man thats worked 8 hours, and wants nothing more then a hot meal, shower and me. The simplicity you read.....! I dream this, and am going to put this in place for my summer. Never before have I called on a passionate other to embrace and want me more, however, times calls for many a changes and transitions. I'm wanting, dreaming and day dreaming of these experiences and more....so there just has to be something to these dreams and nostalgic moments and more. Perhaps, just perhaps my summer love will be found. I am declaring war baby!
Lesson Sixty Five: It's all that counts
As little as you provide is as little as you will recieve. So I am pouring more out. I am expecting to recieve more back. I am giving myself a chance to not only dream passionatly, but live passionately. Everything we envision does not necessairly have to be fixed on one thing and one thing (person) only. Although we have those dreams, moments and feelings, a summation of ALL and I mean ALL counts for everything. So as I sit hear feeling like I dislike this job at this point in time, I dislike having to return back from my trip out of town yesterday, I then began to look at other apsects and points in my life that has held me down and completed me until now. Never a dull moment, and never an unappreciated day, because in someway everyday we are thankful, and for that it ALL counts!