I never really looked at you until the night I captured your lasting image within my mind. Oh, you was erased from my heart and even was denounced from my soul, but your image would always present itself before me at the slightest conjuring; and right now your image was before me wild and free and all I could do was just stare at the middle of your bald head as you made your best attempts at pleasuring me.
The glean of sweat that was dripping from your already shining head; only gave you more false momentum that your bullshit still worked. Your pre-gamed intoxication and thought of a reconnection and a spark of us once again led you to believe that I had submitted to your way and thoughts about love and how it would eventually bind our broken relationship once again! Little did you know that as I opened my arms to embrace you, and covered your lips with mine I was slowly feeling the cold draft from your dead soul attempting to dance with mine once again, but your cool air was no match for my summer heat. I was not sent on a rekindling mission, or to speak about the break in my heart you attempted to mend with your love for lies and lust for others whom you could maneuver and mend within the palm of your hand and the deepened soulless schemes of your world. I knew better than to allow myself to submit openly to you, in fact all I wanted to do was simply fuck you. I wanted you to open your door and limit the views into your world to just your bed, but yet it was never going to be that simple. We haven't seen one another in months and to be in close contact once again could spell trouble for even the bravest of hearts. Our conversations were never much of anything anymore, that's why it was so easy to block your calls and pointless text messages, but yet I still wanted to tangle in the depths of your brokenness allowing your deadened heart to pull me in if just for one more time.
I was lost for words as I looked at you, eager on listening intently to the stories you started to spew out of your mouth. As you spoke to me I started to think about everything that had drawn me towards you, and everything that had turned my heart and love away from you. I heard each word you spoke as you went on and on about the women you were entertaining and as your phone was buzzing and ringing you laughed about using these women with no regard, but yet hear I was curled up in the middle of your bed having gone past your kitchen and living room looking over everything and seeing that nothing has changed since I last graced your apartment, and most importantly the more you spoke, the louder your phone rings became and text messaged alarms vying for your immediate attention; I started to regret ever giving you an after thought, but this was just a one time thing and a one night stand, right? I wasn't supposed to think any thoughts about you, about us or even the thought that this shared intimate moment was going to cause so many thoughts to occur, like an inevitable chain reaction. The sleepless nights and the moments of heartache that I experienced while with you and once the woes of separation had kicked in, I was starting to develop a deepened feeling that was slowly pulsating within me causing instant regret.
We make mistakes, we take risks and even live within a sense of stunted growth, but as we realize that there comes a time when we must not only let people and situations that no longer serve us fall to the sides, we must take responsibility for our own actions and work within ourselves to come through these situations not defeated or having a sense that your next relationship will mirror this past relationship and that all of your experiences thus far will never amount to anything but romantic tragedy...no amount of Shakespearean romantic woes will ever have my heart beating against an agent of love. Times may be difficult regarding matters of the heart, but as with time and space a great healing will come over us and bless our hearts with peace, love and prosperity once again.
No two situations are alike, and everyone experiences love and life and the pursuit of happiness all to differently, but it's within your own love for yourself that stories as mine will make all too much sense and there will be nothing in the world stopping your love from within to connect and shine brightly with your chosen significant other.
Reign in love, life and the pursuit of all happiness.
**I Love You**
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