Making minor waves.......Tsunami you say?

The week has went entirely by me. I have had major highs and extreme loves all in the span of an entire 7 day stretch. So the idea of leaving New York is enticing me. I am being romanticized no longer by the limitations the Big Apple has captivated me with. I am no longer wearing my blinders. The sky is the limit, and if I continue to look up and away I will never stop moving. So New Jersey beckons to me, and I welcome her in my life. I have made the ultimate commute and sacrifice to transition to and from work and social activities, and then turn around and go back "home" to New Jersey. I have always had wonderfully relaxing times and experiences in New Jersey, so why not test the waters again.

As quick as time, I contacted my cousin and made the choice to leave New York City, Brooklyn to be exact! Behind. I decided that there is more to my life then living in a ratty old neighborhood, doomed with decimal abusers, and also, party peoples all over the corners and streets. I would not mind walking into my neighborhood and not seeing a living, breathing soul until I entered my place of residency. I would not mind walking around my neighborhood in it's beautiful beauty and solitude state. I would not mind leaving my New York experiences and ties behind. Starting anew and fresh is what is being said, and that is something that interests and entertains me the most. I am needing a new freshness and slice of life, that will propel me forward. I am needing to try something new and set my soul and spirit free.

So in transitioning to a new state I am transitioning my mind, heart and soul. It is you that I notified and must leave behind. You only questioned me as to why I am leaving, but then you readily understood and I have heard nothing from you since. I am thinking that perhaps you will express your true feelings towards me and for me, however, nothing has come of you and me, and obviously nothing has changed. So with that being said I welcome a new day and age of where I am wanting, but no longer needing and sacrificing for. I had a terrible experience occur to me two days ago. The deathly hollows of my life was presented to me. I was unable to attend to my slightest needs or make the pain and feelings of going off the deep end transition away. For in just an instant my life literally changed before my eyes, and as I laid in my self imposed silence and stillness and began slipping away, all I could remember was going through this moment by myself. I had no one to contact or call, and even though this incident was a case of emergency I dealt with my anxieties, and in my face fears, as well as long term hopes in such a shortened state. I didn't want to leave or end my life on a such a shortend note, by such a freak of nature and accident. Attempting to enjoy a blissful smoke, and I ended up with the side effects from the great beyond. In that instant I was fighting for more than my life, but I was pushing past everything that has crowded and stunted me. I at the very moment of complete dispair was able to pull myself physically, mentally and spirtually together and connect, and plead for my life and the saving of it. Whatever it was I ingested, well I wouldnt at all touch it again, and I valued myself more than ever before. SO as I think of him who continually pulls and pushes me away, I am not fighting for his love, and attention anymore. I am not pushing for his acceptance, for I have accepted it all. My fate is no longer in his unloving hands, but my reslove resides in my own. I fought like never before, and I knew it wasn't going to be an easy battle, but as I write this tears spring fourth from my eyes. If I can survive this, I can survive anything. Amen.

I can continually release you, but I am not. I am moving past you, because I can.

Lesson Seventy Seven: Remember it like it was yesterday......
I am entitled to being happy, content and within my own world created for and by me. I can and will transition forward and beyond, because I can. Afforded the abilities of free will, I am going to utilize every breaking moment. I am free.


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