The pain subsides when you start to uncover the causes of
the ache more and more. When you fear asking further or inquiring deeper with
your significant other or present interest, you burden yourself with the
stories left untold. We want communication and the ability to openly flow with
our partners, but yet once we are denied that inner comfort and almost hall
pass into the realm of our “chosen one” everything in the relationship begins
to subside and form into a fantasy ship, in which you play out in your very own
mind the projected outcomes of an inquiry or problem, or fantasize a passionate
moment of the story you created.
Share in the truth. The raw unadulterated truth the old
saying of it never hurts to ask anyone a question almost resonates loudly and
so true.
I say this because I have silenced my own passions and
inquiries because I didn’t want to dig deeper or have to continually open
myself up to someone who wasn’t presently there. I imagine taking my heart
outside of my body, and holding it above my head allowing the air and blue
skies and sun beams to grant it serenity and protection and not allowing anyone
to take it away from me or have it within their grasp and squeeze it
lifelessly.
That fear has wavered between so many situations and life transitions
within my current state that I have finally began to appreciate the reality of
each and every experience. Having felt that perhaps I lessened my role of
engagement because I gauged the situation mentally before communicating exactly
what I was feeling openly, before I even allowed my fear to settle so deeply in that it
literally stunted my conversations, caused general angst and discomfort and
feelings of insecurities to overwhelm what I was truly feeling.
So where is the pain now?
The pain is some place in between recognizable and
dissipating within the depths of reaching out and allowing my intentions and
motives are known. I am recognizing that there is significance in pain, but
there is also knowledge with letting the feelings subside and allowing life to
naturally unfold before me regardless of inner fears and previous challenges
being faced.
I tell myself everyday to fear not is to worry not and to
never not is a short life lived.
I’d rather not…experience that limiting life factor.
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