To Kill A Fantasy: Oh Dearest I do!

The pain subsides when you start to uncover the causes of the ache more and more. When you fear asking further or inquiring deeper with your significant other or present interest, you burden yourself with the stories left untold. We want communication and the ability to openly flow with our partners, but yet once we are denied that inner comfort and almost hall pass into the realm of our “chosen one” everything in the relationship begins to subside and form into a fantasy ship, in which you play out in your very own mind the projected outcomes of an inquiry or problem, or fantasize a passionate moment of the story you created.

Share in the truth. The raw unadulterated truth the old saying of it never hurts to ask anyone a question almost resonates loudly and so true.

I say this because I have silenced my own passions and inquiries because I didn’t want to dig deeper or have to continually open myself up to someone who wasn’t presently there. I imagine taking my heart outside of my body, and holding it above my head allowing the air and blue skies and sun beams to grant it serenity and protection and not allowing anyone to take it away from me or have it within their grasp and squeeze it lifelessly.

That fear has wavered between so many situations and life transitions within my current state that I have finally began to appreciate the reality of each and every experience. Having felt that perhaps I lessened my role of engagement because I gauged the situation mentally before communicating exactly what I was feeling openly, before I even allowed my fear to settle so deeply in that it literally stunted my conversations, caused general angst and discomfort and feelings of insecurities to overwhelm what I was truly feeling.

So where is the pain now?

The pain is some place in between recognizable and dissipating within the depths of reaching out and allowing my intentions and motives are known. I am recognizing that there is significance in pain, but there is also knowledge with letting the feelings subside and allowing life to naturally unfold before me regardless of inner fears and previous challenges being faced.

I tell myself everyday to fear not is to worry not and to never not is a short life lived.

I’d rather not…experience that limiting life factor.


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