Like the Phoenix I too have risen-
So it’s as if you are starting all over and fresh to the world. It’s as if everything that you once knew, no longer is familiar to you. It is as if everything is wiped clean and clear of all. These feeling and many more feelings that would creep up within me, would overwhelm me and drown me in my own personal sorrows. I would then dwell on the past, all the slights and the hurts and go through the many stages of anger to depression. Seemingly, my weekday and weekends would appear to be uneventful and something I was not looking forward to. Conversations with family and friends, would no longer fill the void and hold the interest as once before. A deep void and dread would overcome me……..It seemed as life would never get better, but it did. Life has become an empty canvas. I am painting each day and life lessons into my canvas. Loving life and appreciating my life more. I value my time, and also, each person and experience as never before. No longer am I fixated on just meeting simple needs and ends meet, I am working towards long term successful goals and healthy relationships. For each sad point in my life I say thank you. Thank you for allowing me to be able to see that this point in time was transitional, and it would not dictate my everyday and long term ideals. I thank you for placing each person in my life, be it a good experience or a negative one; for I learned how to take the whole meaning from such experiences. I am stronger now. I see now. I am grateful now. And it does get better!
So with newly found closure and self affirmations and personal confirmations, I am pleased to introduce you to me once again. The woman who loved so hard and so long and never let anyone, slight or burnt memory go no longer resides here. The women who waited patiently with her mate, who never waited for her, never valued her or for that matter cared about her the way she loved him no longer resides here. The woman who waited up at night for you, or stayed up at night with you knowing that I needed to rest and be up for work early in the morning no longer resides here. The woman who waited quietly as ever for you to accept and acknowledge me no longer resides here.
The woman who answers the door now remains open eyes and focused. No longer is her vision clouded and gray. No longer is she looking over her shoulder and waiting in the wind. No longer is she holding her head down from the in’s and out’s of your stresses during her day. No longer is she sacrificing herself, her needs and wants and goals to make your dreams come true. She has faith, determination and the ability to survive the hardest feats and struggles of them all. She has risen like the phoenix from her imposed ashes. Her grave is shallow and she has waded out of it. She breaths fire, and dreams big. Her lifewill revolve around herself, and everything that should matter to her. She will not wilt away. She will open the door and kindly greet you and say “Your time has passed. Move right along”. As she closes the door she yelps in the highest pitched tone ever!!! Knowing that she has succeeded, she has finally captured herself. Her spirit is free…..and meant to soar.
Lesson Twenty Two- I love myself
Tears flowed many of days. However, it never stopped me from acknowledging the learned lesson. The lesson was to look life right in the face and hold her by her hands and say to her “You will be ok, you’re in a rut, but there is a way for us to get out of here”. Guide and guard your life with all of your might. Never allow a moment to pass without thanking each and every experience, and then letting it go. Closure and beginning a new is a start of a bigger and better you!