So here I am again starting to rediscover me. Times have been fairly tough; however, I have excelled and made it through. I continue to revisit the past experiences, not necessarily out of want, but a desire to know these experiences much better and personally. I have decided that uncovering the pain and raw emotions will allow understanding of patterns and past ways and behaviors to be released, acknowledged and healed. There is nothing I want more than to know where and how I went right and left, and why I chose these paths. I want to know my behavior and embrace it. I am allowing myself to take responsibility for all of my actions. I am allowing myself to further embrace ME! So far I have learned that I have a lot more strength and courage then I previously assumed. I also am more accepting and not overly critical of myself and the choices I have made. Each experience I have received is laid out before me in my journal entries and writings. I am blessed to have the ability to have attention to detail and select memory experiences. So with that being said I am ready to start closing out old emotional charts and revamping and revitalizing new charts.
The build up….
When one door is closed it has always been said another door will magically open. Seemingly I would beg to differ, because I would assume that once a door is closed it becomes bolted shut and there is nothing anyone can do to reopen it. Lately, I have been experiencing a crack of light to these closed doors. I have become intrigued and interested in knowing why this door is starting to open up? Who’s behind these doors, and why the heck they want to revisit the past? Normally I would be very critical and skeptical. I would instantly jump into questioning mode and doubt any and everything someone would say. There would always have to be a reason why (for me) this door must remain closed off. There would always be a reason why things could never resume, and should they resume; why in the heck would I want them to resume? Leaving everything in the past and all….. Well recently my thinking and logic has become clouded. I am actually reviewing the past, and also, expressing an interest in opening these doors up. I am not entertaining upsetting and disconcerting thoughts. I am not allowing negative experiences and present disappointments to weigh heavily on my choices. For once I am free as a bird and allowing the wind to dictate my directions. Open mind…Open Heart….
Lesson Twenty Three: Slowly but surely my train is pulling out of the station!
Many a moons and bitter nights I sat wondering and waiting for life to intervene. Little did I know life was waiting for me to get my act together! Life is an experience and amazement to all who cherish and experience it faithfully. Life is not meant to be wasted on one or sadden points and moments. Life is to be lived and expressed and truly valued! Each day I get strong, the better my affinity and admiration for life and all existing within it.