Relapse OR Adjusting the mind set

I am dreaming of you. I am thinking of you. Classically trained to investigate and evaluate all and everyone who comes before me. Assuming that I knew what was best for me, I would say it would be you. I tested fate out yet again. I had left you alone, and ignored all attempts at getting to know you again, but did I listen to my inner self stating that you were a distant memory, and that everything about you and in regards to you would be forgotten. Immediately I assumed that love wouldn’t live here anymore with you, but in fact loved continues to blossom and bloom for you. No matter how hard I try to deny my truth and intent for you, everything appears to leave me. Strength, sanity and for all it’s worth my soul. Encased in a glass by your essence. Surrounded in such a way I am left suffocating. One will never know the power of your hold upon me.
So as entranced as I am, I am wishing and hoping that you come along and set me free. I am praying that I will find that ideal partner to compliment me in all ways as possible. We read continually in magazine, and newspapers just how much one searches for their ideal mate. People will go to the ends of the earth in search of that special someone. What will I have to do? I write openly about my feelings and report all the up and down moments, because my emotions, heart and love at this moment is inconsistently consistent. It’s as if expecting anything above and beyond, but then again receiving temporary relief with some saddened structure. As fleeting and failing as my love life appears I trust in it. I am learning to turn these feelings, disappointments, failures and downright discerning moments into written momentum. I am tackling my fears and facing them head on each fear one day at a time. I can only count my many blessings and ability to transcend the onslaught of this crazy crazy life.
Although I am writing my troubles away, I wish to touch and affect as many people as possible. I wish the dating and relating world to be in peace with all and everyone in it. I am hoping that life continues to generate subjects for me that release and transition past, present and make waves for future possibilities.

Lesson Fifty Six: I am not surprised …..
I could claim a love relapse, but I won’t. I just went back to revisit an old hurt that I continually press on about and speak of whenever I write. Nothing will change overnight, and it takes time to see things, especially life through, however, never discourage yourself from a lesson and a blessing.


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