Staying committed to change
I realized that my sexual partner (s) present and past weren’t really interested in sex and love, and how I viewed and associated the two. I began to see the pattern that was becoming my sex life. Non-committed, short lived and almost impulsive temptations that left me lingering for more, or having expressed feelings of regret and at times recalling memories of wanting to forget the act. Before I committed to removing the act of sex off of the to do list, I asked myself why was I committing to such a thing? I mean I considered myself highly sexual, viable and always looking to explore, tease and test the human psyche and senses, so why then was I going to revoke my hump license? Well for instance having sex means something to me. Yes I have thoughts beyond the Orgasm and intense feelings and at times natural draw and pull alongside the raw physical attraction that cannot be compared to anything or anyone else. Having sex has registered in my 30 year old mind and body beyond the basics of you like me, I like you….let me prove this by sleeping with you. Sex for me has evolved into opening yourself beyond your vaginal walls. The act itself of loving your partner (yes showering them with kisses and affection is our way of expressing love and adoration) and being right there for them throughout your time spent remains attractive, sought after and desired in prospective lovers and partners. Being committed to the act itself and just trusting that you are not only pleasing to your partner, but you remain pleasing to yourself. You are enacting out everything you need and desire without any inhibitions towards self. You are reaching for every climatic moment and point as never before, that is when you know it’s more than sex. It’s more than the act itself. Everything and moment becomes almost aligned and you are feeling absolutely assured that you have reached even the highest pinnacle. That is when you know that it’s more than sex, it’s more than getting a notch on the old “bang it out belt”, it’s no longer a competition or sport anymore of lovers after lovers. You are no longer fighting for anyone’s specific love and attention and affections. You are joining yourself and spirit with another….So why not make it worthwhile and worth your experience and time. Why not go on a sexual cleanse and retreat?
In reading and discovering more about Lent season and the sacrifices, I have learned that it’s not about deprivation or a starving of that act you choose to eliminate. It’s about preparing you for long term goals, but thinking it thoroughly in the short time. It’s about making those steps to excel forward and completely reevaluate the situation again. It’s about putting the footwork and steps in and preceding to a renewed you.
So previous lover of my choosing I so selected you because of our connection, and assumed mutual interest in our long term goals of unison. However, you have continually shown me why my sacrifice this Lent season has more meaning and power than ever before. No longer willing to share erotic and passionate filled moments with you. No longer able to dedicate and commit my mind and body to a part time lover, well actually per diem, you didn’t put in enough work hours! No longer willing to forgo my sexual appetite and satisfaction because you can’t sustain yourself. No longer willing to put myself and my needs last because you can’t want what I need.
Lesson Eight Six: I own it
It is mine for the taking, and it is mine to own. As I rise up in front of you and stare you directly in your face, you already know what I am here for. I don’t want temporary, and I don’t need half of you. I demand all of you. No longer partially pleasing to myself, I am demanding full eroticism and an experience with a truly gifted, wanted and valued partner, but mostly importantly a mutually expressed and openly imaginative partner. Ask for and you shall receive, well I am declaring this one!