Mutual Beneficial and Lasting.

What was the rush for? Did I really think that everything could just mold and place itself without any work or effort put into it? Could everything be experienced, felt and explained in all one setting? What exactly was I expecting to encounter from life simply passing me by whenever I was before someone who presented their best intention towards me?

There was a time in my life when I could not even answer these questions fully. I would simply state what I knew to be true...which at the time meant nothing more than surface responses. I wanted everything to simply happen and fall into place. Everything had no defined meaning, and anyone could include you...you...and you. No clear guidelines, pathways or flags calling my attentions and focus on a particular object. Even with wearing blinders for so many years, my eyes starved for just that glimpse of something more.

Well nothing falls just in place. Nothing is ever that ideal of fit...there will be times in life when everything is out of place and not one thing or no one will ever fit into place, but that is when the magic and the beauty of life begins to happen. The ability for you to come from it all with a better understanding of yourself, situation and demands and working relationship you continue to build with yourself  you start to recognize the misplaced, misshaped objects all start to fit into place, and with this reality comes the enlightenment you longed for.

So my recent attempts at slowly pacing myself and learning how to pay attention to my emotional self, to then understanding why I associate a rush of feelings and an intense need to be emotionally drowned; with partner acceptance. A long winded idea and thought statement, but I was able to comfortably not heighten  my already intensified anxiety levels regarding love and the pursuit of it's overall happiness. I learned to gradually address my needs and wants and passions and desires in a way that is beneficial to my overall romatic development, and I must say it's really interesting with just how much my willingness to change previous behaviors and patterns to fully and lovingly embrace it all. Willing to love and learn about love, as well as recieve and reciprocate it. Mutual and beneficial and lasting.

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