Get Back UP

Sewing some oats and binding some forbidden ties I recognized that I continued to run into the same old bricks of the forbidden love life. The love life that I continued to image and dream about, with people who could not support or sustain my dream. Continually loving the unloveable, the jaded and the romantically uninclined male to lastly being seen in the eyes of another as a secondary motive and mention. What more could I possibly say and do? What more could I possibly want? Hey, I have my other faucets and areas of life that I continually excel at. Could this one section out of my life just be my overall demise and downfall?

I could go on and on about the disappointment and the discouraged feelings, but then as with everything and with life it's a learning tool. A tool to be utilized when you are at your lowest peak. A tool to be utilized when you are finally recognizing what exactly has been developing and brewing all along.

The art of forgiveness goes hand in hand with love. The art of letting things go, alongside with realizing just what we are departing with allowed me to realize just why I continued these cycles and more. I can not thank my many failed attempts and experiences enough. I can absolutely open my eyes and world, especially my heart to the challenges that have been faced and will be faced with. I can humbly attest to where I went astray at and what exactly I was looking for.

Daddy disappointment...First male example in my life failed me.
Motherly disappointment...She never stood up for herself and recieved the love she deserved
Relationship disappointment...Each new experience flowed from the bad changes
Personal disappointment...Fear of being simply myself, low self esteem and no self structure

To write out my pains. To define my ailment... To see that perhaps I never had a positive relationship with myself, my family and lastly my seems I never had a chance. A sadness and awareness in the inevitable came over me...but then I started feeling as if life has never stopped and that for each challenge and presenting factor faced I dealt or currently am dealing with. There is no time frame for healing. We meet our own individual life demands.

For the knowledge and information I was afforded I remain truly blessed. For each tear a smile crept upon my face. For each line crossed within the sands of my time I can admit to no longer wanting impulsive without a recourse of my actions. Controlled, clear and concise is what motivates and molds me.


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