To love and linger and move right on along...

It's so easy to let go of something that serves no life purpose for me. It's amazingly simple to justify why this and that one wont work out in my best long term interest; and even so with saying that I find myself longing for you. Your memory remains etched in my mind and mended to my heart. There hasn't been no one like, similar, resembling or even cutting it a little close to my memory of you.

In distance and inability to make your most attempts at seeing ME as I am, I have come to feel disappointment in your perception of me. Assumingly my personal interest's are entirely different from your very own interests, but have you ever really asked me about my interest's in comparison to yours? Have you really taken the time to address the differences and find a common meeting point of two different but distinct personalities?

This fantasy relationship I am feeling and am engaging in has run many courses, and yet my battle to refrain from loving you never lasts too long. I continue to look for the meaning of why you entered my life? Your purpose in my life? Is it to have loved and lost you and transitioned on or is it to show you a form of love different from what you have known? Always the optimistic and looking for the brighter shade of the darkened sky line, I can admit that I am still searching for these answers and more.

To lose you might be the best way to transition from you. To love you openly while being shirked from you is another way I was attempting to see this experience and relationship through, but I am broken. I have literally questioned my very own interests, and at times blamed my upbringing (Mother's relationship's, sisters relationships) and my own relationship experiences for the failure to move along, but as I write this I ended something recently that I made my most attempts to see the relationship experience through, but it served no purpose for me physically and intimately or emotionally. How I ended that so, but yet can't let you alone or go?

How I used
to handle letting go of someone was completely forgetting their existance and moving forward with another relationship or intimate experience, but then I realized that you can't forge ahead until you have entirely dealt with as much issues you are experiencing within before you can move forward and along. Instant gratification has benefited me in more than one way, but it has served me as false hope. So yet again I am facing a slippery emotional slope, but the difference this time is that I am dealing with it. I am living with it. I am forgiving it.


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