There is meaning for it all after all…


There is no confusion and misunderstanding. There is no ability to resume normalcy as if the in between never existed. The in between has become the pink elephant in the room.

If only I could place a shawl, scarf or even a hat over the obvious then maybe I could resume a false sense of normalcy and just exist, but life has a funny way of showing me otherwise. When I am not really giving my all or putting that extra umph into something it becomes obvious. My moods become unmanageable and I begin to display an attitude of general appeasement. It’s as if the essence of me has been zapped right out so once again I am left fighting the feeling of just feeling, because I don’t want to pretend to feel…you feel me?

SO when faced with presenting the truth and not compromising yourself and love standards you drummed up literally in the past year and a half you start to feel your faith tested and smudged all up in your face. Your ideals and ways to go about life becomes passing standards easily wavered by the beckoning erotic calls and memories bought about from previous experiences. Everything that you have previously owned and known no longer exists within you. Its like accepting change has bought about consequences of no turning back, and within these consequences I have been left to figure things out.

Once again I am left to envision what all the talked about change has brought before me…

An unknown me may appear to be a lost me, but I envisioned this new me to be placed before me so I could SEE just exactly who I was and have grown to be. My acceptance and tolerance of substandard partnerships and romantic experiences has almost cast me villainous in my pursuit of happiness. If only they could see and understand that I have parted with just being and just accepting anything and anyone, and that just maybe I could experience the sensations and feelings I know to be true. Of course I will continually hear that perhaps I made a too quick judgment call or relied on ever changing emotions and feelings that perhaps were slightly present, but needed more development and time to be it’s ultimate healer.

If you ever felt and experienced love before than you know it wasn’t patient and fragile, but prominent and ever present and strong. The connection would be so intense and revealed beforehand on all levels and not lagging on some that it could never be questioned.

So in essence what can be contested is your lesson…Move along. 

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