The UN-Conditional heart

When the stakes get high you are forced to dig deeper and go further within to pull yourself out of a love ridden war zone. When you begin to fear the walls of lust caving in on you, and the reality of what is to be phasing away, what are you left to do? Just recently I witnessed a side of myself that I haven’t touched upon in sometime. I was frustrated and stunted in regards to the recent happenings in my life. I was a volatile storm just brewing in the midst of my darkened days and endless nights. Fresh off disappointment, work related stress, dreams and the reality of some dreams appearing far-fetched I turned within and realized I was not alone. I was in a relationship. I signed on to this and I began to experience the hopes and dreams of new found passion and love. Everything was an open book including my life woes and problems, when they did not exist, but once they started to surface I immediately ran deeply within myself, wishing to ride this wave alone. I stand corrected…my lover turned to me and told me things about me I did not dare claim. My lover wished upon a need to want to understand and to know. He absolutely gave himself to me, in circumstances (the attitude, the mood swings) that weren’t exactly conducive to his survival. Everything halted and began to clean itself away, like the rain washed pavements. The night before never existed and the morning after wasn’t a predetermining factor in my afternoon. I slowly began to sense that it was all too heavy, and when I say “it” I am pointing all the fingers at me. I began to sense my life flotation devices no longer being effective in a singular mode, and that past behaviors and thoughts on saving myself were no longer sufficient. The time had arrived when I was to say…I’m not alone. I’m going through something, although experienced on my end it doesn’t take away from love and attention and understanding and support from him. I was never alone. I am not alone. The mood broke, the love spilled fourth. The tears of upset, embarrassment and misbehavior all wiped away. An unaltered, unconditional and new found understanding for one another surfaced.

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