Sour Times: Reflection in the midst of that inception.

Have you ever been happy for someone while secretly wishing his or her demise? I recently had the pleasure of seeing someone capture their love and love interest publically, without even a reply or response towards me telling me that this in fact was their journey they were embarking on and although it would severe our flirt-ship, our feelings of mutual interest would simmer and a budding but distant friendship would begin. I didn’t get this memo; in fact I didn’t even get a chance to allow my eyes to swallow the image that was before me. Feelings of rejection and a distinct taste of a lover’s jealousy started to creep in my mind, and so I deleted your number and any trace evidence of a connection between us. Endless conversations, meditative support services and attempts at coffee and chit chat have forever been dissolved. I guess your inaction and non-responses spoke volumes to me, and I guess also I received your answer in so many ways.

Can I be mad about your update…should I even care about your update, it wasn’t directed towards me and actually it was a beautiful life moment you shared, but yet it called out to me and literally had my emotions hitting all types of wanting to be an emotional wreck chart. I can look at the brighter side, your limited conversation and then non-responses was a way of letting go. Sometimes we don’t want to face someone we shared moments and mutual interest and passion with. I should know, I am facing the same moment where I am letting someone go with ease to make room for a newly discovered interest…the pot calling the kettle out? The shoe on the other foot or karmatic ties all directed at me? I guess this time I am going to exclude myself and say the world does not revolve around me and my emotional highlights and moments. I guess I am going to delete his contact information and like his post and going forward will let life continue to play itself out.

On a brighter note I didn’t dissolve in a heap of emotional instability, I went to sleep and awoke refreshed and determined not to allow something that was never known to me or in my control to leave me powerless. My choice in this was to recognize where I stood and where I was headed with him, and well simply let it go. I never stood a chance, and then again I don’t think I wanted to remain suspended in that potential heartache.