A lover's death with the past

I have once again thrown myself into my own enclosed life happenings which have all evolved around semi planning, constant daydreaming and channeling my inner golden tube of creativity and self awareness of exactly who I am, and whom I’m becoming. I am in awe and adoration of HER “Me”, and so I started the year loosely cutting the ties of experiences that haven’t kept my interest, but contented me enough to wet my appetite for rekindled romances that are forever stunted in their start to finish, and as each bond was severed I started to remember why the bonds had been broken and why it has become convenient to rekindled such fallen attempts at love, because disappointment is best served chilled, and apparently I was already one cup in!

He was someone I could see the present and future with. He was someone that I spent numerous travel hours with. To and from our homes cities to our planned getaways, it was like nothing else mattered, but our inability to compromise on balancing our relationship or even further developing our relationship caused our downfall and created distance and space that never seemed to have been able to catch up to one another, but yet oddly I held hope for the ability of an unfiltered love to gather it’s steam in the midst of many of life’s storms and for us to be deemed the two sailing ships in the night, that once again cross ways…but all the hoping and dreaming and wondering if our path crossings once again was beyond my control. As we started down the path of familiarity, we began entertaining rekindled hopes and lover’s tales of our travels and steamed meetings that left us never wanting to part. Our distance of 900 miles away was cut to just about 20 miles away! The idea that distance at one time had kept us apart, was no longer an excuse and it was even more apparent that our lovers heart’s had reached it’s threshold and it was time for us to exist, but yet as with my experience with rekindled love and life experienced within the past, I knew that I simply needed to let it and HIM go, but yet I yearned for the moment when all had failed because I knew that he was never the one for me, but a channel for a life experience that I needed to go through in order to develop the ability to be able to let it and them and all my distant recurring memories go.

We could never agree to a mutual meeting location because of our schedules. My life took an amazing blessing of a turn and my reality began to unfold in almost an open to clasped handed stance ever so peacefully. I had almost agreed to a shared weekend in the mountainous regions of my new home, but yet I listened to my inner stirring that caused me to request a sit down meeting to discuss where this rekindled romance was possibly going…it was then I received the strength to inquire about the uneasiness I was feeling about our rekindled romance and the future of us if there was to be us…

It was then the disappointment and the reality of the expected failed romance settled in with me. He was living a dual life with hopes of easing inside of me once again, basking in our created bucket listed fantasies shared amongst us in many destinations and hotels where we desired. Little did he know that I was no longer a fantasy that he desired, I couldn’t meet him half way or await for the departure of his newly revealed relationship to end as smoothly as he stated it to me. Taken aback, but balanced with the hope that I knew looking in the past for fallen love would be exactly that…dead to me.

So I let him go, he faded to black in the midst of the broken hearts.

So I look forward.

I have moved forward, and with the hopes of no longer rekindling lost loves, but developing new found interests shared openly and communicated honestly and with my best intentions on moving forward and wanting absolutely more, because I desire a mate who will exist in the present and bridge to my future without haunting me as a rekindled past member of the losing cycle within love.


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