What matters to me the most

In a world where everything appears to be temporary, and easily discarded; I realized several things over my holiday weekend. One, I dislike my current career path and the stagnant feelings I have grown to just deal with, whenever work becomes drama filled with a side of headache and definite annoyance to go! I am not pleased with this sense of ease and accustomed uncomfort. In fact, it took being talked about by a co worker to realize just how easily one is here and gone the next day. Hearing someone describe me in a way that questioned my abilities, integrity and overall work performance, well it just burned my insides and steamed my vision. I decided on this fourth of July Holiday of 2011, independence will not only ring in memory of our nations most ardent and fought for battle of 1776, but independence will ring for me as I begin to renew, search, discover and embrace the person I am yet to fully visualize and be.

Secondary epiphany,my rocky and at times disdain for my love life and the lovers involved in them has taken a turn for better......hmmm I have not mysteriously fallen in love, or have been swept away in my most vivid dreams. I have just decided to really appreciate and value myself more, and become what I am looking for. I can not ask you to be emotionally available and intelligent, when you are cold and as closed off. I can not request your interest and time, when you have neither in me or in have any time invested in yourself. I see the brick wall, which slowly has been drizzled with concrete and impenetrable military secret mixtures, that has created the all too consuming and blocking emotional wall. No matter how I try to see, and want to see it, you and they will never be there for me. Interest and like can just go so far, and well I am neither interested in those two, so with that being said I decided to not only adopt, but become the spokeswoman for realism. Being true to yourself and facing your once deemed disasters and life problems head on. No longer fearing responses, or problematic outcomes because once it is out in the open, it is to be read openly. So with that self reflective moment I am letting go. My back to the world, my arms spread wide open. My trust and connective net of safety is and has always been with and within me. I am allowing other experiences and moments in time to address my needs and wants and fulfill life's dark spots and soak up any and all clouds. Blessed and fortunate I am, to be able to be afforded the many opportunities and life experiences, so why not utilize them and work with them rather than against them? Cheers!

So in comes my family over the weekend and extended family. I have been afforded the opportunity to spend some much needed quality time with friends and family. Laughing, embracing, sharing stories, and eating and enjoying the moments as they passed. I never yawned and never felt a moments stressed or tired. I felt as if I found the fountain of youth, and as I lived through my adult daily in's and out's, I recaptured and relived my youth, all one instant in time. I was ideally happy and generally at peace, so I knew exactly what I needed to do.

So as I am looking for answers and searching continuously within, I am not at a lost for words and moments. Strikingly, little by little life is presenting herself to me in many charming aspects. I drink from her fountain of wisdom, and am seeing life as it is presenting itself. I am ready to visually see more, and willing to investigate and delve into the murky waters of existence. My fear and cares have been washed ashore.

Lesson Seventy Three: Everyday is a new beginning
What I did not start yesterday, I began today. What I didn't finish last week, I closed out yesterday. I am not cutting myself off or limiting my life's times, for if I think small minded and only see dates, numbers, minutes and seconds, I will never afford myself the ability to transcend it all. We are as old as we want to be, and as rushed and hurried as society makes us be. I am putting on the life brakes and choosing to look at my life path and pattern, not from afar, but up close and distinctly personal.

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