In the Night the truth sets US free!

11:59 pm Sunday Dusk
 Having had a lot of time to sort out reality from fantasy I really began to see the dream like state I, You and "We" had created. Sleep pattern on non compliant. Mindset on forget you not. Emotional heart tugging and banging to be loved only by you and stiffling outside competition easily. My mind should be silenced and at ease, but it's racing and thinking about you. Only you.

12:00 AM Monday
When I need you the most you are never to be found. Be it your work schedule, home life and family schedule, social schedule, sporting schedule or individual time schedule; you remain never to be found when I call, text, conjure up an erotic thought as detailed as ever, and designed to be demonstrated only in the midst of you, yet again your schedule remains conflicting with mine and your time is compromised, but again you send me messages awaking my inner needs. Knowing that my needs wont get met on my suggested time schedule, but only whenever I am adhering to your schedule.

1:00 AM Monday Morning
I am awoken by text messages, Two incoming messages are from the males I have set aside all because of the intense emotional connection I assumed I have had and held with you and you only. I don't even know why I am thinking of such a heavy conversation during the wee hours of the morning. Sleep deprived, heart starved and definitely hollowed on the inside. What I need the most now is a reassuring embrace, kiss to the back of my neck and an arm laying limp ontop of me, but what I have right now is an empty bed space filled by stand in pillows who are illuding to a prescence that will never be there.

2:00 AM Monday

Tossing and turning and wondering why exactly do I continue to think about someone who I know for sure isn't thinking or wondering entirely about my feelings, my day and overall experience. I am literally losing sleep, because I will not release him from my mind and heart, so what do I do now? Staring straight up at my ceiling and laying limply in the middle of my bed I just pray. I ask for guidiance and the releasing of my love for him from my heart. I don't hate or habour any intimate or feelings against him, but to release all the energies associated with him.

The time we take to release other's from our heart's seeps into our lives and surrounds us with hurting feelings. The slights and the pain and the pardoned passion overwhelms us. I awoke this morning thankful to see another blessing of a day and to breathe continued life into my lungs. I played the game with him too many times, and I allowed myself to be a victim under my own guise. So I am allowing myself to walk freely. Freely from pain, hurt and mishaps and move right on along!


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