Looking back at the many moments and experiences I have been
fortunate enough to go through, learn from and receive my message from; I can
honestly say I am happy for each and every lesson and life point. I am not even
hurt or stirred to the point of exhaustion by recapturing each moment, be it
pleasant or hurtful. I have come to terms with those moments in my 2012 year
and I am comfortable in providing the needed closure. I am ready to rewrite my
story and claim it.
2012 HIGHLIGHTS
1.
Forgiveness:
“The Oxford English
Dictionary defines forgiveness as 'to grant free pardon and to give
up all claim on account of an offense or debt'.”
I forgive myself. I was very hard and critical about my
expectations and outcomes in my romantic life and dealings with romantic
partners. I struggled to make the relationship soar to heights that it was
never meant to dwell in. Suffering ensued and so my assumptions about
relationships and learning to develop passionate and romantic feelings never
took off. I did not trust or believe.
I forgive my lover for the experiences we did not share for
one another. Unhealthy, unrealistic and absolutely no room for growth,
TRANSITION and development; there was never a relationship to be had from these
experiences. Two broken hearts looking for love with no expectations or any
direct and distinct explanation of where we were going. Just existing was
satisfactory enough to me, and all I thought I needed. My mind starved, my
heart divided and my body could no longer take this experience anymore.
In order for me to forgive past digressions within my previous
relationships, I needed to hate the person enough to finally let them go. For
some reason I held on to you and the nonexistent us, because I thought it felt
good, but all I felt was sadness for you and for myself, but in these feelings
I became emotionally stunted and spiritually stagnant and knew that there was a
better way than this, and in this I found forgiveness and forgive US.
TO FORGIVE IS TO BE COUREAGOUS! TO FORGIVE IS TO CREATE A
CREATIVE CONSCIENCE.
SOMETHING SO HARD TO DO, BUT FREEING TO EXPERIENCE WHEN IT’S
DONE
2.
Telling
the absolute truth
a.
Regardless of how I assume others will receive
me (Partnerships, friendships. Etc)
b.
Stating the facts
c.
Speaking the truth
d.
Asking for what I want
e.
Not accepting any less
It becomes harder each and every time to reveal you most
inner and intimate self when you yourself can’t even identify or stand by what
you are projecting. If we aren’t comfortable within our own body, then how are
we supposed to create stable, meaningful relationships based on truth,
communication and honest love?
WHO ARE YOU?
My name is Robyne and I am a writer, telling my story from
the light taps of my keyboard to the online universe at large. Emotionally
driven and determined to express and experience my best life yet, I am coming
to terms with my life and making amends to rewrite wrongs and make a better
life for myself. Emotionally enriched and spiritually uplifted.
3.
WE
BECOME WHAT WE BELIEVE (PAST, CANCEL THIS OUT)
a.
Shrewd
b.
No one understands me
c.
Difficult to love
d.
Emotionally indifferent
4.
AT
THIS VERY MOMENT, I HAVE BECOME
a.
Courageous
b.
Determined to tell the truth, live my best life
yet
c.
Fortunate, emotionally present and happy
d.
Loving, passionate, emotionally available
I put out in the universe that I could never experience the
ideal relationship ever because of what I had believed it didn’t exist and was
almost fairytale. When selecting partners I began attracting what in essence
was I was putting out in the universe. The attributes listed in the past
section above could relate to each partner I had experienced on many levels.
Intimate, platonic, semi-interested and so on. Endlessly the list began to grow
and my mind and body tired of these emotional disconnections. I wanted to work
with my partner and be able to transition into a relationship. Rather than face
many issues and outcomes that left me literally lost for love and it’s essence…
What I know to be true is I had created this image of being
this strong woman who was impenetrable. I had sustained myself thus far without
the inconvenience of a man. I have avoided the errors of failed marriages and
single mother hood, or so I had assumed. Thinking I was protecting my heart
from failure literally opened the door to casualness and no expectations? The
fear of being hurt was so prevalent I simply accepted anything other than the
truth. I didn’t even see the turmoil my life and romantic life had become.
Knowing that I could no longer block my own feelings to suit
the needs of another. I began making those changes!
I have literally become self-absorbed with feelings, and
myself, which have allowed me to rekindle my very own relationship with myself.
Broken hearted no more or accepting of just anything, I have found peace. I
love myself and I love the person who I have become and gradually am growing
into. I believe in me.
ACCEPTING AND RESPONDING to my life situations.
The reality of this blog entry was finally rewriting my
story. Finally making amends to tell just exactly what I have been experiencing
and going through, but the difference this time I am not living in the past. I
am presently accepting my fate and making waves each and everyday. I created my vision of success, now it’s time
to continue to steadily walk the pathway to complete happiness.
2012 has afforded me the opportunity to live my best life
and I am encouraged to continue the uphill movement that will no longer be a
battle, but each moment a breakthrough. The closer I am to the source the
constant and consistently complete I become.
‘There is no sin in failing, but the sin is in never trying”
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