Allowing the Heart to speak volumes

There has never been a time when I left life questioning my own individual motives...as of recent. There hasn't been an occurrence when I literally was left impaled by a decision...as of recent.
So I am sticking to current feelings and know what's best in my life and for my life. A fleeting love will never suit me, an undefined love with no grasp on mutual satisfaction will never keep me.
An in the moment love will never matter to me, because my passions before and after will matter more. 

The reality is I love someone else. I have loved him for awhile, and I denied him for awhile, but I compared the price of my love for another and it just didn't match. To play in love and pretend to be in love is just something I could never do. To grow in love and want a love from you is something I can not do. 
As you read this I want you to ask yourself was it ever love or you loved someone you thought you would never have? As hard as that is to say it was difficult for me to write. I bare no witness to individual slights or name callings, but I do know what we had was never love. The enjoyment of ones company and companionship was what I experienced. I thought I loved you, but when I started to dislike you I knew I never loved you I just assisted the fantasy life of marriage and kids and a shared union knowing I would stay as long as my attention held me.

I have gathered my life from the depths of my souls from the love ridden and life lessoned experiences as if seasoned with only life's disappointments. I have started to build steam and encouragement and grasp my fresh start and in this you was not included. 

I am sorry to have let this go on, but it's done. 



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