In my own WORLD

Although I walk to the beat of my own drum, it continues to sample your rhythmic hues! I can absolutely say that my weekend was best expressed and summed up in the nook of his arms. Yes, I absolutely enjoyed him nestled behind me and curling deep within me. It was like breathing and drinking deeply at the same time. Hard to do, but even harder to experience, so when you have the opportune time and moment to remain clasped to your lover I would definitely say take advantage of it! As the New Year slowly start to echo it's arrival to me, I have become captivated by the middle and ending of my 2013 year. The monotonus moments, endless mood swings and the tremendous changes in my thoughts and outlook. Although I have written numerous blogs and provided serious counseling sessions in the relationship and romance and dating departments at that time in my life I still hadn't capitilized on my own individual journey. I have struggled with being extremely imperfect in an imperfect world and within my relationship. Comparison is the devil and the blue dress spotted on it was my distant and pulling memories. Although nostaligia is a wonderful experience and feeling to have vying for your eternal attentions, it's the slow killer. So what does one do when memory no long serves it's purpose and distant memories are the EVILs of it all...Hard enough question to fathom and even harder answer to come fourth with, but what was suspending me in stagnation and in an almost lovers duel with myself was simply my expectations of it all. I had thoughts about things I probably wont experience with my current lover, because it serves no purpose for me. I battled myself for creating my self imposed walls, but I was unwilling to break them down and so my year started with a wave of emotions and relationships that was surface only and not lasting. A mist of emptiness foamed my mouth and numbed my mind, but yet the actuality of reaching this point was exactly where I needed to be. I needed all of those moments that never really mattered to me then matter to me now. The heartfelt teary eyed breakup's and the what if conversations and why me and why not me...yes I needed them all. All of the hollowed feelings allowed me to step comfortably into my confusion and build from within. Deeply am I rooted in experiening my life.

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