The Chase: Until we find our very own balance and sense of self within love we will always be looking and never quite finding what we truly need.

To give love out freely, but yet to walk away from a potential heartache yielding no expectation or desires to resume it once again has become the guiding force within my very own current existence. I have lived my emotional life gravitating to those whose hearts needed to be shown love. As I gave out all of my love and affections I soon realized that there were limitations of the heart when it’s not mutually reflected. You can’t continue to Nurse other peoples ailing hearts as your very own heart decreases in its size and productivity.

 Accepting the no expectations, no responsibility modules I was able to sail through life without thinking any further. To sustain myself in a losing battle of love I always thought it was best to keep your emotions and experiences at bay, but then I started to follow my heart and yet it attracted people who needed Nursing and healing, and yet again their awakening was seen as my ending. I limited and challenged myself at the same time. I faced an opposite with a futuristic outlook and then I started to awake. If you test yourself you will always feel pressured and forced to respond with the right answer, although you may never know what exactly is the right answer you will continually fear being wrong, so with being wrong you would have learned from so many attempts that you begin to then close yourself off from further deduction and problem solving from within. Although I fear, I also explore. I dream, but yet I doubt. I attempt to balance one with another and open my eyes to the present waking moment, and within that balance I was able to slowly uncover what I haven’t really been able to embrace in almost 33 years of life…Me.

 Acceptance, understanding, compassion, love: My most recent four agreements and guiding forces that continues to nurture a wavering and unyielding soul. I have accepted the fact that people will come into your life for a reason. Their reason may not mirror your very own, but there is a message to be deciphered, and within that message you will find all the answers you have ever needed for that very moment. There can be no temporary me. I was created to give and receive love, and for me to respect and understand love I needed to experience a greedy love, a self-centered love, complicated love and a rejuvenated love. It took accepting, experiencing and learning about this love to appreciate my solace and reconnection period within myself. What we give others should be given back equally! I can say that through each experience good or bad or indifferent, I have regained a new found sense of self and just what I wanted and needed in this life, and as difficult and emotionally draining life can be it’s also meant to be lived, explored and loved!


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