Heart Interrupted……

Occupying my time and mostly my mind allowed me to not linger so much on you, or even think about you. Of course I would wish you no harm or even for that matter any negative things to occur to you, but I wished you away from me. I wished that our time spent ceased then and there. I wished my fantasies and ideas about love and life and you being a part of that fantasy world would disappear. I finally started believing that with distance and time, all will resume back to normalcy. Minor distractions and attentions to the heart and human psyche practically left me open to interest and intrigue. Your full figure became a shadowy and dimming light. The day dreams ceased, and night wishes ceased. At one point I was happy to be resolving this inner drama within myself, but then the next minute I slowly began to think about our connection. What exactly brings me to you? Opens my mind and heart to your interest and intrigue? I feel as if I would issue you my last, make your favorite meal, wait for your call and dream to awaken next to you. I long to listen to your long day from work, and linger to hear your love and desire for me. Why wouldn’t you just be open? Why did you make life and exploring a life and the possibilities of a life with me difficult? All of these questions and the pin point time and dates of disappointment you continually have given me. At times you started to let me in, but closed everything off.

Interruption of my thoughts, love and heart.

So as I let you go on your own way, and I went along on my way everything started getting better. My emotions and feelings towards you were dwindling slowly. A noticeable non concern with a call or even a checkup message. My slight dips didn’t disturb the flow; actually they increased the distance and time away from you. I started entertaining another idea and lover. I started seeing their potential and set aside all the good points in comparison to your negative and bad points. I ventured to even see a future and attempted to dream about them as I did and have done in regards to you. …….. I returned home and was wondering where my messages from you were. Not a drop of a call or a mistaken text message. Nothing. A few days went by and I just could not allow a week’s connection to come between us. I messaged and called. I messaged again and you responded. I started feeling a lot better and wondered what the hell was the matter with me and my behavior? Wasn’t this better? A slow dwindling connection? A forgotten past for no assumed future? That one break was the end of all for me. I truly realized how much I am care for you. I cannot explain why and how is it that I care so much for you. When these feelings and more came into fruition I truly know that it was instant. …..

Lesson Forty
Crash into me…….
Allowing all emotions to enter may overwhelm you. It may even leave you lost and wishing to be found. It may even strain and stress you so, but emotions left untouched and not fully explained; denies you an amazing life and moments to be blessed and truly able to express and experience. I value my time with you. If for short and limited, it was well worth it.

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