Yes! I know this

So many changes have occured in a span of two weeks time. I have realized that you are never going to accept fate, and I can no longer be your divine interceptor of reasoning. I have also learned the importance of appreciating the ability to pack and get away, however, at what cost and circumstances? During my exit I realized two things; never allow someone (male or female) to treat you less then expected. If your expectations are running high, and you are looking forward to something and it goes as unplanned and stressful as ever, learn your lesson and move right along. The second lesson learned is accepting physical attraction only. I can not move or stir you into a romantic someone. I can not even get you from being so boring and tight, As hard as that must be to express and explain to someone, I know deep down inside nothing will improve or change things (you) from being you. Only change will occur is when I move forward and walk right out of your life. At this rate that is the best laid plans.

So finally I am accepting the fact that life may not present that one and only assumed perfect person for me. Life may even shuffle my deck of mate cards and present not even a suitable suitor, but an entertaining expereince. Coming to terms with changes and differences that life makes isnt so bad, and at the same time it can have some down sides and moot points to it, however, there is nothing wrong with living life to the fullest and enjoying each and every experience presented. I am a steadfast believer that each experience begets a wealth of knowledge. This knowledge soon soaks into your mind, body and spirit and soul and allows you to mature and continue to journey to self perfection. So with that being said I am not mad or down trodden at all. I am blessed and pleased to know that for every chapter finished, another chapter is getting written and lived.

Opening the doors and looking forward.......

So life doesnt seem so scary after all. Actually life is presenting itself in new lights. I am seeing a different me. I am a bit afraid of transition, but at the end of the day and the end of my life time I know these moments are needed and necessary. So I look forward to the experiences. I look forward to the newness in my life time. I am actually pushing those closed off buttons more now than ever before. I am tempting and testing fate and holding everything and anyone with a pulse with the highest regards. No longer streaming for perfection, but streaming for intelligence, comfort and companionship. I can no longer say I need and want if I in actuality am not able and willing to recieve. If I even sense a hint of disappointment or stale air within you, I shall walk away. My fear of hurting others and wondering about their innermost secrets and depths of their souls is not as impressive or needed information as once before. I question my existence, my motivations, my most inner deep and darks secrets. I am no longer worried about you or whats going on with you. This is not saying that I have no cares within or of and about the world, its just laying out the foundations of putting myself first and foremost. I can not prevent hurt or even broken relationships, but I can continue to build on and upon me. Should you serve a purpose in my life, I welcome you and thank you, but kindly move out of my way!

Lesson Forty Six: I did it on em
My fear of maturing into the woman I am becoming appears to be with the idea of power and self empowerment. Who could contain and for that matter control me? When I use to say the word control, I felt that it was such a strong word that had so many different negative connotations to it, however, I sat down and realized that I dont need anyone but myself to contour and control me. I am looking forward to the compliments and side by side security that others may provide in my life, but I am not straining or stressing away from a powerfully capable and stable me. I am the woman I was born to be. Amen!


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