Leap of faith, loins of fire……..

I needed you. I needed to feel alive again. I needed to connect to someone other than HIM. I needed to feel that I was truly at one with someone. I needed to have you embrace my body like it’s never been embraced before. I needed this time and experience to push me from the sexually self imposed life doldrums. As I kissed you passionately, caressed your body, loved on your body like never before, I hope you know you saved me. Salvaged a jaded heart from the ashes of loves fire storms. I felt as if I was a gift to you, but in essence you were a pleasing, appealing and amazing life line and package for me. You allowed me to physically see the amazement in my heart, my mind and body. I felt as if I was candy to your sweet tooth. I felt as if the night would never end. I climaxed so hard I erased all the memories and negative moments and feelings of others from my mind and blackened heart. You saved me…….I thank you.

Lesson Forty Five: Say Hello…..Say Good Bye and Thank You.
So you closed this chapter. You let it be known that you can’t and will not make yourself available to me on all levels. You easily eased into a story questioning your maturity and your ability to be deserving of me. If I truly gave a shit I would fall for those bull shit lines, however, I released you. As many times as I allowed myself to let go of you, all of the thoughts and feelings I have grown accustomed to visualizing of and about you all vanished into thin air. I cried for myself. I cried simply because I was officially allowing the feelings to settle and be acknowledged. So I awake not passion stricken or heart sick, but free. Free to love and experience again. I held onto you and your life and experiences for too long. My connections with people ceased to develop further into anything of sustenance, because I was so fixated and focused on you. A lot of living ceased. Stress, wondering states and emotional dependence all were the results of continued connections and my ties with you………..There is a lot of living to do……and its starts now.

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