Should have, could have, would have, but do I?

Entertaining several thoughts here…..The major thought running through my mind is embracing you. Two and a half years of longing for someone who’s deemed “untouchable” do to their situational occurrences, but I have nothing standing in my way. Perhaps common courtesy and mutual respect for another’s life situation and regard for their life situation should remain a major factor in my case; however, I have totally caught the case of “Why should I care about your situation?” When I think about being concerned about the all too illusive “what ifs”, I say to myself if I can’t erase his memory. I don’t want to erase his memory, and if I could sample just want taste and touch of him, why shouldn’t I? Since when did I become so conscious and self restrictive and overly concerned with how others are received by me? I am not saying be entirely careless and live your life at a Charlie Sheen whim, however, what I am saying is that there are times in your life when a person, situation, relationship, moment in time, anything of all of the above listed presents itself, and then you freeze and think about all the possibilities of how and why this instance in your life will be brief, and that there is nothing more or further that will come from this situational occurrence, but why the hell not? All the time we spend seeking out someone and pursuing this and that one, when right before us is a quick pick me up! The type of experience that will allow you to breathe and reflect on your emotional self. Yourself that was driven to compromise for so long. Your inner person that has remained on reserved status due to being mindful and respectful of all and everyone. Never saying disregards rules and regulations and totally mutate into someone that you don’t even know anymore, HA! However, I would like to see everyone let their hair down and adjust that tie to lay it loose. I would like for you to embrace these moments and experiences because they build and build into a bigger picture. Like a resume, we perfect our place of employment and jobs and career to a dot the I and cross the t. We are overly conscious with how we are perceived and how others ingest us, but what about ingesting yourself? What about perceiving you as a loving, and capable being that deserves attention, respect and most of all the right to experience and be free. So as I think about you, I think about what you are going through and experiencing. I analyze that maybe you aren’t happy and you are searching for a temporary adjustment and resolve for the moment. I then stop myself from seriously going into more, because regardless of your situation and my situation I am not going to pollute our experiences should it occur. I want only my body and kisses to be your resolve and solution. I will not counsel or even dare to question your situation, because simply I am dreaming and living for me, and you have come to intoxicate my mind and senses, so be it……..

Enter the Dragon……
I am utterly feeling as if I am sensually drowning in a sex filled jack pot. It appears that when you let your inhibitions go and all the people that we were “waiting and wishing” for, life hits its highest peaks! Enjoyment and living life freshly is the name of this game. I am fortunate and truly blessed to be able to write and detail each and every experience, these experiences continue to propel me to know as much as I can retain and experience as much as my goddess body grants me. I will not allow my soul to befall on another moment of unable to truly test, reinvent, pleasure, passionately engage and experience all what life offers. When the time arrives for me to commit to my lover I will cherish each and every memory. Until then I am on a mission to love me, and receive love as no other…….

Lesson Fifty Three: Make it Rain or Thunder Storm?
Hmmm I like to make it rain and would love to cause a thunder storm, however, emotionally it’s been a Tsunami of sorts, but as the emotional water recedes and my foundation is getting firmer I am rising. Like the skyline of New York City I am BACK!


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