This is for you….and you… and you too!

In closing I hope you regard this statement with the highest notations. I am not the easy person to get along with. I am wayward in many of my ways and experiences, and yes I go from being super hot to Luke warm to freezing in regards to my mind set and focus. My intent and relationship intentions may have not been as clear and concise as you wanted them to be, but what about your ideas and thoughts on our relationships. As opinionated and open as you are about my down falls in life, let’s regard your moments…..hmmm I can start a list and continue to talk on about them, however, how beneficial would that be? Who’s gaining a skill point? In all honesty my intent and motivations in regards to striking it up with you again wasn't as in depth as assumed.I released you the day you left me mouth wide open. I re entered your life with expectations to crush you. Crushing you slowly wilted away and I began to respect you. Never letting go of the former rejection and life slights, I still kept in mind. When I came to you I assumed that we can begin again and start over, however, I was wrong. As much as you dont want to admit and see it, you were at all attempts trying to change and mold me. Your wife may have attempted to control and conduct your life, however, your stubborn nature and emotional distance and almost droid like ways are just as clear as day. You like to make mention and point out everything you assumed could have been just as obvious to anyone else, but your form and grounds for communications lacked poorly. Have you ever been in love? This is the question I needed to ask you. Do you know what its like to have a loving, and lasting relationship? Communication is in fact key. Communication is in fact a builder. As sheltered as you deemed me, you were closed down and under life renovations. You attempted to mirror my emotional set, but didn't come as close. Do I respect you for pushing me. Criticizing me and my responses? Am I so conditioned that I allow your toxic sarcasm to resonate to the bottom of my soul? You are no life line or for that matter anyone savior. Romantically cut off and emotionally damaged. I thank your life experiences and ability to not see for that man you are, and the man you are set on becoming. I wish you clarity. The hurt that you hold inside for your life failures and familial failures resonates all through you. I could easily cast you aside and deem you lonely and lost and never to achieve the likes of a successful relationship, but just as easily spoken I took those words back. I actually feel for you. The person who’s working so hard to maintain all will eventually falter and let everything go. Will you still be standing? I wish and want all the best for you; however, I love me more. I love the fact that I am me. As crazy and pragmatic and stubborn and in your face I am, I can’t be anyone else but me. I am never saying my life will never transition and change with another human being, I am saying that your moment and time in my life is over and I release all memories and experiences. We had situational moments and gentle giant occurrences, but it will never be enough. So again, Ode to the whims of life and experiences, but good bye to the windfalls and heart ache experiences…….

So enters you…..
Who the hell are you and where did you take my life and soul? I am feeling so myself lately. I am actually coming to terms with a take charge attitude. I am the woman I was made to develop into. No longer fearing heartache, life slights and general disappointments, I am all I need to be. It never occurs to you how people will attempt to mold you to their individual character needs and descriptions. It never occurred to you that perhaps you never really wanted to be involved with me, but just the though and imagery of that idolized person continued to pull you towards me……well wake up is all I have to say, because I no longer answer to you…you…or you! I am beating to my own drum and loving it.

Lesson Fifty One: Toast!
I am in the mood to raise my glass, cup and anything that brings cheers and smiles to my already cherry blossomed face. I am cheering my ability to let go. I let you in only to release you. Why? Because it just was time to be honest. I honestly didn’t expect anything to continue to transpire and move forward. Letting people in and letting go is not has distasteful and harmful to the senses as before. Never wanting to be plagued by assumed emotional ties. Never drown in unassumed sorrows. Love and let go. It is best to have loved and released, then loved and hated.


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