A tumultuous change………

So the pathway for transition and change is being put forward. In order for me to get that illusive “something” and “someone” I must SEEK and search for “it”. So with that being said the release of the old and the entrance of the new appeals to me more and more. Life continues to teach me the many lessons that need to be learned. I am seeking no excuses or life passes, just continued guidance and perfection of all of the learned lessons, to finally completion and the ability to enjoy the many moments and more.
So as I venture to him, I am wondering just exactly what are my motivations? I am driven to him by simple interest, the need to feel a connection, and also, much anticipated relaxation and down time from New York City. The hustle and bustle of my hometown no longer excites me as before. I am left cold in the loud, lit up noisy at times nights. I am pacing back and fourth attempting to figure out where exactly am I going? Although my life path and patterns are up in the air at the moment, my heart path is situated and read to sail forward. I can’t make any emotions occur over night. I can’t pretend to feel something I have hardly experienced with you. I can however, take the time to develop and find out where exactly I stand with you. Is it me, or does everyone initially jump the broom and figure out the sweeping assignments later on during the relationship?
I am constantly telling myself that nothing is over night, and nothing can be rushed and created in a span of a few days. We are sensitive and emotional beings, and our individual needs and wants varies, as well as our love, desire and affections for others. Life will continue to present a series of maybe’s, possibly, and just on time type individuals of your particular interest, however, we must not lose that notion, and enthusiasm in our attempts at trying and seeking others out……

A SPEECH for all?
So as I clean and clear away all paths that have blocked me, I am left wondering where exactly I am off to on this set journey? I recently made a decision to be more family oriented personally. It’s time that I take on my own responsibilities, and birth the most joyous package in the world a woman can receive. So all of the thoughts of family life, actively dating, but really making my thoughts and feelings clear about the type of relationship I am looking forward to, and the type of mate I am desiring to experience and be with……IT’s as if a jumble of life just spewed forth on the computer screen, but as long winded as that appears, the short winded version continues to tell me…..”where exactly am I going”?
So a new change of surroundings, a different life style and setting, a new take on life and how I want others to see and view me personally, and a new introspective look at my passions, desires and appeals towards my mate. The shadowed figure of a man who continues to haunt me. No longer plagues me. No longer assaulting my senses with dreams filled with passion, eroticism, pregnant desires and marriage and commitment desires. I can smell him now. I await for him now. I am ready for your love. For my love has transcended it all.


So as I embark on the latest obsession of figuring this life of mine out, I can only smile and nod my head in acceptance of these changes. I nod out of contentment and pleasure. I am passionately driven to excel and exceed and love harder and longer. My fears of commitments and down playing of failed and superficial relationships are being amended. My honesty in my wording and truth in my heart continues to guide me forward. Pushed am I to the limit. Back to the wall. Heart below my sleeve. It is the sign of a changing time. I love me more than ever before. I am ready for life and love. I will continue to write about the struggles and stressors in my life. I will continue to exercise my emotions and hearts in a written nature. My medical resolve and therapeutic outlet.


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