A balancing act of sorts…..

So I am embracing new beginnings and the start of something new. I clear my mind from the past slights and hurt, and disappointments to then begin to address you. I address you from a far at first. I am thinking to myself “Is this the one?” “Can this be the one?” “Will I know for sure?” “When will I know for sure?” ….all of these questions come to my mind. There is something quite interesting about you that has held me captivated in such a short time. In this time I was able to smile, and laugh again, and the biggest feature was in my smile. Addressing you in person soon followed….the build up of wanting to know you, but getting to know you at a distance was best. I really wanted to take my time and really soak in the emotional essence of an impending connection. I addressed you in person, and I was missing that wanted for connection. I missed that spark that would send me reeling towards you. I missed that click, the snap, the jump in the air and the all around YES feeling. However, nothing is guaranteed to occur as one expects, and also, nothing is set in stone; so I enjoyed your presence and company. Your attention to detail and masculinity. I declined all the signs of “hmmm he is just not interesting to me in that way” to “Just make it happen, go with the flow, you will see”. All I know is that I enjoyed myself during our time spent, but I couldn’t help but think about someone else. My love for him is truly deep. My need for him continues to drive me into my deepest sleep states searching for the long lost embrace. I want you to be him. I wish for you to be him, so I could drive him out of my heart and my mind……but it failed. You aren’t him. ……or better than him, so I am left to continue this journey alone…..

Finding forever in a moment’s time…..It’s ok….as I think and type the more I am happy with you, and who you are developing into. Yes you……ME! I am sensing my needs and wants continually changing, and ye I am happy to declare a want and need like never before. I want love, and the passionate state of mind. I need to feel just as included as ever before. I desire for you to not doubt me, or partially appeal to me or towards me, but I want it all. The mutual respect and connection and pull from one romantically inclined person to another. Love is a strong word, but having loved, and experienced love and want for continued love is all one will ever know and need in this life.

Lesson 58:
Let the decisions and balancing acts begin! I am not afraid to transition and make attempts. I am not accepting anything and anyone just cause......living your life!

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