Dreaming of and about YOU……

Putting in place our goals, inner desires and most prominent needs and wants; appears to be the appeal for the start of a new year. I challenge myself to dream a lot more. Experience and feel all, all that is meant to be received. I will not put in place or plan any experiences, or negative moments and people that are not a part of my higher plan and mission. The mission and long term plan is of having that relationship that isn’t exactly perfect, but it closely resembles perfection. The experience of a partner who acknowledge and listens to you. A partner that knows your likes, dislikes and maybe’s. A partner who is physically, mentally, sexually, spiritually, verbally engaged by you (and vice versa), that there is no other someone, moment or experience wanted, needed or questioned for. To awake to your best friends, confidant, lover and loved one is all everyone needs in this ever changing thing called life.

Turning point……..
So putting in place an image of the most sought after lover one could dream of, let’s deal with our current realities at hand. I am wondering to myself about my single life, and making my most ardent attempts at understanding my relationships, resolving them as best as I can, and finally surrendering from old dating and relationships habits. We (I) appear to be continually be challenged with almost the same experience and relationship downward spiral of a fate. I see that I can no longer just sit back and watch the relationship unfold. I am just as responsible for the start, middle and outcome of the relationship. I am also aware that I should not feel guilt or a sense of letting my assumed partner down, because I don’t share or value their bigger picture and relationship dreams of and about me. So with that being said I am very pleased to announce my ability and moment in life of taking control over my situation, and owning up to all the endless possibilities of what could be or could have been, without getting suckered and sucker punched into something (relationship, romance) that I dare say I don’t want to experience or need in my life.
My second wonderment in life in regards to my single life will probably fall on my inability to let you go. Just when I am healing and getting better and really not communicating or reaching out for you, our connection (mind and body) severed by time and distant space. Time which has guided us, but now separates us, appears to not have entirely severed that cord. I day dream of you the majority of the time, I am not embarrassed in regards to my feelings and emotions and intensity of feelings, however, I am more left to my thoughts and imagination rather than physically be with you. I am disappointed more and more with you, but I have accepted the defeat and purpose of us never being. Slowly I fall in love with the idea of we and us, but it was all a good dream, and for this purpose only I know that I will care for you, however, I must let you go.

Lesson Thirty Five- Coming to…….
Closure and exposure are the hand and hand friends of a successful dating life and world. I am not afraid to be opened and closed to heal and then reopen to experience and continue to love more and more. My desires will not dissipate with the dew of the romantic doldrums and trying times. I am loving harder and learning more. I have found love and its healing and amending capacities in life.


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