I can’t collapse and I can’t fall. Throughout it all I have seen and experienced my fair share of disputes and self-doubt. If a tear should fall from the tension and stress then I will allow it to slide down my face. I will allow these feelings and more to dissipate. Hardships and heartache run hand and hand, but this time it’s reached a pivotal point.
Always having had my back against the wall, this time I silently walk amongst him. Intrigued for some time now, I have always remained in a constant awareness of him and myself. Defying all the ideas and logistical twists of life and forming that ever illusive long lasting relationship prevented me from wanting more. Fear is that ever present spectator pulling me away from reality which can be based on a premise of happiness, love and togetherness.
A recent happening has made me center my view point. It is what was needed for me to finally believe. In this belief I grew to love. It was always there, but I feared watering this potential flower. Use to disappointment and the bull shit, I accepted being self-centered, egocentric and at times looking at someone I was steadily becoming helped me to pull myself up short. Life can be full from many standpoints, and I have never lacked in the friends and family department, but the substance and nourishment of a bonding, budding and long lasting relationship never bested me.
So why now……
Being ready, having that life moment occur all mattered, but what mattered and meant the most is I truly believe.
I believe in you for I believe in me.